Loose Thoughts on the Next Novel

Market research has determined that Jeff is the most widely trusted name in business. Thus, each employee, upon achieving upper management status at TacoRiffic, is given a new name. My name is Jeff Casaba Melon. I work in product development. You might not think that there is much need for product development at TacoRiffic, but you would be wrong. Though there are only so many evolutions of taco, and though we own the Meat Cow, and keep it in a safe and secure location for cloning, something none of our competitors, including arch rival TacoBurbia, can claim, we must always stay at the top of our game. You never know what kind of taco fillers they will come up with next. Likewise, their new geodesic dome in Montana has twelve nuclear missile silos and a missile defense shield. They are not to be trifled with. Also, shareholder profit has been codified into law. Quite simply, it would be illegal not to generate profit. We must keep up with the Devons at all cost. It should be noted that their market research determined that Devon is the name most associated with shareholder value. So here we are. I wish we had thought of that, but Jeff in market research took us in the wrong direction. He was fired, but it was too late, and the damage was done. Turning back on a plan is a sure sign of weakness, and that could hurt shareholder confidence. But you can trust me to right the ship in these turbulent times. After all, my name is Jeff.