Here you will find what you need to know about author Mark Miller.

Mark Miller is a freelance shepherd living in Chicago. He tends goats on the roof of the Sears Tower. The goats refuse to call the tower by its new name. They are well fed and armed. This is not a fight you want to have.


Mark Miller was a crack librarian sent to prison by the ALA for a crime he didn’t commit. He escaped from a maximum security MLIS program in Urbana-Champaign and into the Chicago underground. Today, still wanted by the government, he survives as a librarian of fortune. If you can’t find a book, article, or website, if no one else can help, and if you can find him, maybe you can hire Mark Miller.

Mark currently lives in a black van with his wife, who is an anthropomorphic squirrel. They travel wherever information is needed.


Never mind. I am not important.

What you need to know is that everything bad happens for no reason. I would like to say it makes you stronger, that it leads you somewhere else, or that it teaches you a lesson. It doesn’t. Everything happens randomly. Enjoy your time. Watch for falling objects.

If I told you what had happened to me you would be amazed. You wouldn’t believe it. You would drink your beverage and smoke your cigarette and stare into the distance for a good, long time.  You would forget I was here. You would let your mind wander back to the first person you loved–really loved–and you would linger in her apartment thinking how even then the two of you were dying.

Consider the flowers. There are bees.  Your coffee is getting cold. Who is this person sitting before you telling you to watch for falling objects? What does that even mean? Things don’t just fall. Out of the sky. For no reason.

You are dead. You should have listened.