JT McDrew appears with a little person, both of them naked and oiled up to a shiny bronze.

I follow everyone's gaze to an elevated platform at the front of the room. JT McDrew appears with a little person, both of them naked and oiled up to a shiny bronze. JT takes a microphone from a stand. “That's some good fuckin, y'all. Y'all keep it up,” he exclaims.  The crowd cheers. “I know … Continue reading JT McDrew appears with a little person, both of them naked and oiled up to a shiny bronze.

We found a house that had no lawn ornaments and decided it was unfair

Apollo and I were driving on the upper middle class side of town round about 2 AM.  Apollo said, “It dawns on me that there are many more lawn ornaments in this neighborhood than in ours. Look, there’s another one,” he said as we drove past a yard with stone deer in it. I hadn’t … Continue reading We found a house that had no lawn ornaments and decided it was unfair

I believe I hear police sirens. I strain. Yes. Unmistakable. We need to leave.

When Katie walks in the door I recognize her at once. She maintains her sporty looks and pixie haircut. I relish watching her as she is unaware of me, looking from sombrero to sombrero wondering which I am under. But I am not wearing a sombrero, just in case they sent an agent. She is … Continue reading I believe I hear police sirens. I strain. Yes. Unmistakable. We need to leave.

Nobody. Eats. In the bathroom.

I put on a mid-price suit, tie the tie into a double Windsor, visit a local supermercado, and buy three dozen sombreros. They are kind enough to stack them, box them, and carry them to the car. I drive to the Bonsai Burrito and go inside to meet the shift manager, whose name it turns … Continue reading Nobody. Eats. In the bathroom.

On Professional Sports

Being a middle aged man is some lonely shit. There is nowhere to make friends anymore, and the people you socialize with are usually work colleagues or neighbors, whose relationships with you prohibit the disclosure of revealing, intimate, or even merely controversial information. In a very real sense your existence is defined by your ability … Continue reading On Professional Sports