I need to find Katie, check with the league, evade the snipers, avoid the celebrity cheese vigilantes, and find out where I am supposed to be next. Uzbekistan is a big country.

I need to find Katie, check with the league, evade the snipers, avoid the celebrity cheese vigilantes, and find out where I am supposed to be next. Uzbekistan is a big country. I don’t even know where I am supposed to land. Do they even have airports there? I round the corner and shrink back. … Continue reading I need to find Katie, check with the league, evade the snipers, avoid the celebrity cheese vigilantes, and find out where I am supposed to be next. Uzbekistan is a big country.

“That’s no reason to be a cockwhore,” she says. “I loved you just the way you were.”

My delusions are interrupted when I look at the muted television set and see my picture. The scroll reads, “Cockwhore: The Final Decline of Western Civilization.” The normal impulse is to turn the set up and see why one has been so maligned, but I read the news before it's news, so I’d known this … Continue reading “That’s no reason to be a cockwhore,” she says. “I loved you just the way you were.”

On Professional Sports

Being a middle aged man is some lonely shit. There is nowhere to make friends anymore, and the people you socialize with are usually work colleagues or neighbors, whose relationships with you prohibit the disclosure of revealing, intimate, or even merely controversial information. In a very real sense your existence is defined by your ability … Continue reading On Professional Sports

I have a black light closet off of my guest bedroom. It is spacious enough to accommodate five adults.

The next day I walked into the Devery University human resources department, and met Colletta.  I told her, “I want to be the director of your library.  I have written my resume in a way that corresponds to that job description, and you will see that I went to the highly regarded MLIS program at … Continue reading I have a black light closet off of my guest bedroom. It is spacious enough to accommodate five adults.