Apollo and I were driving on the upper middle class side of town round about 2 AM.
Apollo said, “It dawns on me that there are many more lawn ornaments in this neighborhood than in ours. Look, there’s another one,” he said as we drove past a yard with stone deer in it.
I hadn’t been paying attention. “A lot of yard ornaments, eh?”
“Yard ornaments,” he said. “Jesus, I hate lawn ornaments.”
“Jesus wants you to love lawn ornaments,” I said.
“That settles it, I’m Jewish.”
“I don’t think it works that way,” I said.
“I’m revolting,” he said.
“You’re revolting,” I said.
We found a house that had no lawn ornaments and decided it was unfair that it had none while its neighbors had so many. We spent the next two hours dedicating ourselves to social justice by moving every lawn animal, jockey, bird bath, fake precast turtle, plastic flamingo, stone gnome, and toadstool into the once-vacant lawn.
The next day I woke just before noon, shook Apollo awake, and drove him back to the house. All the ornaments had been returned to their rightful places, as if the night before had never happened. Sometimes now I still fear that I will wake up and find that the world has rearranged itself behind me as if I had never existed and those things that I loved were of no importance at all.
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Editor’s note: Technically it is her vulva, not her vagina.