“That’s no reason to be a cockwhore,” she says. “I loved you just the way you were.”

My delusions are interrupted when I look at the muted television set and see my picture. The scroll reads, “Cockwhore: The Final Decline of Western Civilization.” The normal impulse is to turn the set up and see why one has been so maligned, but I read the news before it’s news, so I’d known this moment would come and have a good idea of what they were saying. When the bell rings, I turn to face her approaching me. 

“I have your cheese,” I say.

“The news said you were a cockwhore,” she says as if she didn’t hear the first part.

“I was a cockwhore for you,” I say.

“That’s no reason to be a cockwhore,” she says. “I loved you just the way you were.”

“You no longer love me?”

“What will the people at work say?”

“Fortunately you don’t have a job,” I say.

“Not one you know about,” she says. “Thank you for the cheese. Have you tried it yet?”

“Of course not,” I say. “I did everything for you.” I hand her the cooler. 

She unwraps the cheese, sniffs it, wrinkles her nose, and dips an exploratory pinky among the crumbles. She lifts it to her mouth, rolls it over on her tongue. Her eyes roll back in her head. “Oh my God,” she says. “Oh my GOD,” she says. “OH MY GOD. This is exquisite. It’s like they’re here with me, like I can taste them.” 

———

 REVIEWS

“Part action, part thriller, all comedy, The Librarian at the End of the World fires on all cylinders. Fans of Thomas Pynchon and David Foster Wallace will revel in the ridiculousness that is Miller’s America.”

“A constantly surprising picaresque journey through cultural darkness”

“A most unique rollicking story that careens from the almost familiar instantly into a world of what is happening here?

“Not so much a novel as a perpetual- motion machine: part road-show, part parable, careening between surrealism and comedy”

“Laugh out loud rambling tale of the future/present”

“Prepare to be blown away”

“On the cutting edge of audacious literature”

“Takes madcap to a new level, blending Preston Sturges and Philip Dick”

“Outrageous and thought-provoking”

“Just blown away.”

“Fantastic and bizarre”

“Lovecraft turns Beatnik and drops acid”

“One of the absolutely most freakishly odd books I have ever read”

“It’s like E. L. James, Larry Flynt, and Hunter Thompson somehow merged their DNA”

“Even Carrie Fisher (yes, her vagina is in here) isn’t safe from this menace!”

“If you are looking for a completely unique book, this one is hot!”

“Funny and intelligent”

“Filled with hedonism, erotica and hilarity.”

“Only for strong and fearless readers.”

 “Wild, trippy, fun, and sometimes profound”

“I found myself engaged, disconnected and overwhelmed all at the same time”

 “No one would ever expect this”

“Imagine a world where Thin Man was co-written by Tim Leary and Douglas Adams and set in the Office staffed by assassins”

“Brilliant, raunchy, hilarious, heartfelt, and by the end, breathtaking”

 “Social satire at its best”

“In the end, this romp becomes something else. It becomes a work of art, moving and funny and memorable.”

Editor’s note:  Technically it is her vulva, not her vagina.

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