In which Country Western Sensation JT McDrew Proves his Flexibility as an Artist

Colletta and I are sitting in a restaurant in Missouri after driving half a day south. The restaurant is famous for throwing rolls at the guests. I pluck one out of the air and dip it in a bowl of honey. The place is rich in kitsch. Every surface is American flags, Jesus, Elvis, George W. Bush, and the twin towers. Above the bar is a tv tuned to a country music video channel. I glance back and forth between the menu and the tv. I am contemplating hog jowls as a fact, not a concept. On the screen is a new video by country sensation JT McDrew. It’s a twangy number about how he mistreated the woman he loves.

My wife is studying the menu. She looks up and says, “Hog jowls are just like thick bacon. Have you ever had them?”

“No,” I say. “You?”

“No, but I have seen pictures. I might get them.”

“That would be creepy,” I say, “but when in Rome.”

JT McDrew is walking through a field with his woman. There is a quick cut to him sitting on a bench, a hot blond on each arm. Inconspicuous at first is his enormous erection, which sticks out of his pants, nearly reaching his belly button. It cuts away to the field again. She is sad and turning away. The shot repeats in slow motion three times to show how sad and resolute she is. His band takes the stage with steel guitars, and the women in the audience wave their cowboy hats at him. He sings that since she has gone things have not been the same. That things they did together have no meaning since he’s alone. Shirtless, he falls back on his bed, he falls back on his bed, he falls back on his bed three times in slow motion. Then he folds his legs up over his head, and we see his face between his thighs. He’s crying. He takes his erect member into his own mouth as the tears stream down his face. It is the saddest auto-erotic fellatio the world has ever known.

My wife looks up from the menu and says, “Hog jowls.”

A warm roll hits me in the side of the head.  I startle, then remember where I am.  “Thanks!” I call out to the happy roll thrower.

“No problem,” he says.  “Make sure you try the sorghum on it!”

I turn to Colletta and say, “I suppose we are in Rome.”

“Context is everything,” she says.

I admire the spark in her eye, the churlish curve of her lip, the light glinting off her sharp, white teeth. Above her on the tv, JT McDrew tells me never to let her go.

———

REVIEWS

Part action, part thriller, all comedy, The Librarian at the End of the World fires on all cylinders. Fans of Thomas Pynchon and David Foster Wallace will revel in the ridiculousness that is Miller’s America.”

A constantly surprising picaresque journey through cultural darkness”

A most unique rollicking story that careens from the almost familiar instantly into a world of what is happening here?

Not so much a novel as a perpetual- motion machine: part road-show, part parable, careening between surrealism and comedy”

Laugh out loud rambling tale of the future/present”

Prepare to be blown away”

On the cutting edge of audacious literature”

Takes madcap to a new level, blending Preston Sturges and Philip Dick”

Outrageous and thought-provoking”

Just blown away.”

Fantastic and bizarre”

Lovecraft turns Beatnik and drops acid”

One of the absolutely most freakishly odd books I have ever read”

It’s like E. L. James, Larry Flynt, and Hunter Thompson somehow merged their DNA”

Even Carrie Fisher (yes, her vagina is in here) isn’t safe from this menace!”

If you are looking for a completely unique book, this one is hot!”

Funny and intelligent”

Filled with hedonism, erotica and hilarity.”

Only for strong and fearless readers.”

Wild, trippy, fun, and sometimes profound”

I found myself engaged, disconnected and overwhelmed all at the same time”

No one would ever expect this”

Imagine a world where Thin Man was co-written by Tim Leary and Douglas Adams and set in the Office staffed by assassins”

Brilliant, raunchy, hilarious, heartfelt, and by the end, breathtaking”

 “Social satire at its best”

In the end, this romp becomes something else. It becomes a work of art, moving and funny and memorable.”

Editor’s note: Technically it is her vulva, not her vagina.

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